Overheard non sequitur

I was only paying attention for a second but the sentence that I heard was said forcefully. One guy said to the other " What the hell do you know about Bob Sagat anyway?". This pretty much made my day. I'll bet that this comment was "shoot milk out of nose" hilarious even in context. What could they have been talking about? Whatever it was they were both very passionate about Bob Sagat. I'm glad I left the house today.

9 people that need to shut the hell up.

Rush Limbaugh: Yeah the extreme religious right sounds just like "normal, regular people". Way to be redundant and wrong in the same sentence Rush. Go pop some pills and cut yourself.

John Riggins: No the Redskins aren't doing a lot with a little. They're doing a little with a little and they aren't going to represent the NFC in anything except maybe mediocracy.

People who don't like "Family Guy": It's the best show on television period. I don't need to cite any evidence. Shut the hell up.

Steven A. Smith: We get it. You are an intelligent black man. Stop doing that thing with your eyebrows. It makes you look constipated not perpetually inquisitive... which is the same look that someone who never quite gets it gives by the way. Don't sell yourself short. Be black. Be proud. Stop making faces with your face.

People who stand outside of grocery stores or hang around parks trying to push jesus on you: You think what you think. I think what I think. We are both wrong. Shut the hell up.

Drunk guys at the bar who want to start a conversation with EVERYONE: You are at the bar alone and you are completely hammered. Please don't attempt to make contact with anyone except your bartender to get a cab out of there. No one wants to listen to your stupid fucking comments and opinions even if they could understand them in the first place. Also, the best way to avoid spitting on the person you are talking to is to SHUT THE HELL UP.

The lady that works in the little convenience store at the smallest gas station in town: Yeah, your life sucks... but still that doesn't change the fact that you need to ring my shit up quietly. What makes you think I care that Ray didn't pay your half sister back that $6.25 that he owed her and now she is taking it out on you? Tell Ray and your half sister to get into grandma's HoverRound and wheel themselves into the Grand Canyon. You can't join them though. You gotta bag my shit up.

Dennis Miller: Write a joke that isn't that funny and then use a thesaurus to change each word of the joke to its synonym with the most syllables. That's awesome... some people get it and aren't really that amused. The rest (most) only pretend to get it. The latter is where his fan base comes from. Congratulations, you suck. Shut the hell up.

Everyone: Shut the hell up.

The Cord Motor Company

The ultimate in driving experience is finally unleashed with the release of the Cord Motor Companies long-awaited debut. The 2008 Cord tethered automobiles are here. Have young inexperienced drivers in your house that aren't yet familiar with the neighborhoods? Well, no more worry. Is your wife retarded? She'll never get lost again with Cord's new tethered automobile. Simply attach the car's "cord" to the convenient "cord catcher" which is fastened safely to the inside of your garage or on your houses exterior and with the push of a button all of your dumb ass family members will be returned home directly. Excellent for old people and the incompetent.


Severed cords are not the responsibility of The Cord Motor Company. As the cords return function does not take into consideration any traffic laws or signals, The Cord Motor Company will not take any responsibility for injuries or fatalities during the use of our tethered line of automobiles. Please do not complain that our cords are woven dog and cat fur; the animals were already dead when we received them in the mail. And finally, due to overwhelming numbers of irate customers The Cord Motor Company will no longer offer the personal information of customers with young children to pedophiles. We apologize in advance for this inconvenience.

Buy one or fuck off.

I fell down at the mall today. I acted retarded so everyone helped me and was real nice.

That's pretty much it. Oh yeah, I ate at subway also ... it was ok.

Procrastination is not the problem ... it's the solution. Yeah, mull that one over a bit. Or do it later if you want.

I really dont know what i want most of the time. So I just end up sitting around alot.

I Need Your Sweet Sweet Lovin

I have noticed a severe lack of user feedback here at wherearemykeys.com. In the future the number of new posts will have direct correlation to the number of comments I recieve, as my interest is affected by my confidence if the fact that I am loved and wanted. I am weak and frightened of what people may think of me... I need reassuring. But on the up-side of things.... The creator of www.shazanigans.blogspot.com and I have agreed to join forces in the writting of an upcoming movie script ... The script is in its infancy right now ( we had the idea to write a movie) but progress is rapid ( we talked about it again last night) so expect to see it in theatres across the country soon ( 2112). OK guys get to commenting .... THAT MEANS YOU!!!!!!!

9 Months to Solve a Problem

Oh... ah, there was just one more thing...

Don't these guys look like Michael Moore 15 years from now and Columbo gone bad?